in hindsight

a rather significant addendum to my last post is: throughout the four-day process of moving out of my apartment, driving and getting towed to ames, and attending iowa swine day, i suspected i might have covid-19. i suspect it to this day.

the day before the day before my scheduled trip to ames, i was struck by a mysterious bone-aching fatigue that rendered me bedridden. i took a covid test, which came out negative. around that time, my neighbor-advisor, with whom i’d recently had a dinner party, emailed me telling me he’d just tested positive for covid. i had only one day left to move a gargantuan amount of shit, so all day i napped and prayed for recovery the next morning.

i woke up the next day with a light ache in my throat but with my energy mostly recovered. i took another covid test. it came out negative again. i spent the next two days packing and moving like a person possessed. as previously mentioned, i did not even come close to finishing and ended up relying on the seemingly bottomless carrying capacity of my special person and the stupendously generous support of my friends. meanwhile, trying to focus in the iowa state archives, i had an occasional cough and some baseline tiredness that was easy to blame on all the moving and traveling. but when i woke up on friday, the day after iowa swine day, a week after my first bout, i was sick again with a body ache and fatigue that lasted through the weekend.

i did not take another covid test. i reasoned — even if i had it, i wasn’t going to see anyone for the next four days. i reasoned — i only had two tests left and i ought to save them for a time when i was worried about exposing others again. the ache was gone after a few days filled with seasons one and two of stranger things. as i re-entered the archives the following week, i reasoned — even if i had had covid, it was probably gone by now. i reasoned — even if i was asymptomatic, it was okay for me to be in the mostly empty room masked up. i reasoned — any one of these maskless people could be asymptomatic too, what’s one more risk. i reasoned and reasoned, but really, at that point, i just didn’t want to know. all i know is, the cough lasted for two more weeks, and the test i took upon my return to chicago also came out negative.